Connecting Beyond Gender Stories

Now that I have become aware of and have healed my family intergenerational “not enough’ story, a space has been created for me to explore other collective stories that fuel the patriarchal pattern of separation. My focus of late has been stories regarding gender. As my understanding of these stories deepens so does my awareness around how they impede my Soul to Soul connection with other humans.

On one of my return flights from Australia to Canada I had an experience that peaked my curiosity about gender stories and how they support the patriarchal pattern of separation. I had flown thirteen hours from Melbourne to Dubai and was flying thirteen more hours to Toronto. Before I settled down for some much-needed rest, I decided to brush my teeth. As I walked down the aisle to the lavatory, I realized I was seeing humans in the seats but I wasn’t seeing gender. And I spoke with people, but I had no idea if I was engaging in conversation with males or females. I was without story. When I didn’t know the gender, I didn’t have access to the gender stories. I was very aware that my heart space was open, there was not any judgement and my connection was uninhibited. After I had brushed my teeth, I stepped out of the lavatory into the aisle again, and I realized I was back to seeing human gendered bodies — I was no longer free of story. When I didn’t know the gender, I felt so free, alive, and connected, as if I was one with everyone. I often think of that experience and wonder if I was being shown a glimpse of the future beyond patriarchal gender stories.

Recently, I attended an event solo. I chose a space and as I sat there I was curious as to who I was going to attract to the adjacent seats. I didn’t have long to wait until a person appeared and took the space on my right. Once again there was no identifiable gender. I was in a place of no story, just like on the plane and free to connect. I was in the unknown and my heart was open. We shared conversation and a lot of laughter. I don’t remember what brought about the laughter, however, I do remember the feeling of connectedness. It felt so good to laugh freely. Once again, I was ‘one with’. On my left, I attracted a previous client of mine. I was very happy to see her. Our conversation was a beautiful trip down memory lane. There was story. I was in the known. I knew how the conversation was going to unfold because every story has patterns and patterns are predictable. I was very aware that the story was limiting the depth of connection I experienced with her.

The patriarchal male and female gender stories are powerful stories that have been shaped over thousands of years by both collective and personal experiences. We live out these gender stories unconsciously and they support separation by making one gender more powerful than the other, thus supporting the hierarchal system. The opposite of separation is connection where you experience oneness — equality with another. All humans desire connection and yet through social conditioning and personal experiences we live out stories that support the opposite of what we seek. When one identifies themselves with either the male or female gender, the collective stories are activated. When one identifies another as a specific gender, the stories are activated.

The male and female genders are often perceived as being the same as the Masculine and Feminine archetypes. In other words, the Feminine archetype is projected onto the female gender as its identity and the Masculine archetype onto the male gender as its identity. This projection has perpetuated the myth of separation, where one is believed to be more powerful than the other. Over time, as the patriarchal story played out, the male, being the dominant gender, grew its power at the expense of disempowering the female. That imbalance in power resulted in separation. The truth is that the human body, despite its gender identity, expresses both Masculine and Feminine archetypal energies. Archetypes are gender neutral energy patterns. For example, the Feminine archetypal pattern expresses multi-dimensional thinking while the Masculine archetypal pattern expresses linear thinking or the Feminine expresses fluidity/flow and the Masculine, control. One is not more powerful or better than the other. When the Masculine and Feminine archetypes are integrated and function as one, we experience balance and oneness and are sovereign beings. It is our gender stories that keep us stuck in the belief of separation and keep us playing the power games. When we embrace our sovereignty, the patriarchal pattern of separation can no longer play out.

My experiences of not seeing gender give me deeper insight into why it is so easy for me to open my heart and love with abandon when I am without story. Without story, there is no judgement, no emotional attachment. Instead there is unconditional love, compassion and kindness. When I am beyond story I don’t see the human ego, I see the Soul. When communicating Soul to Soul, the connection feels unlimited.

Being stuck in story keeps the illusion of separation energized. Separation supports the human ego in creating the illusion of connection but the ego’s idea of connection does not nourish the Soul. I wonder how our world would change if each of us unstuck from these collective patriarchal gender stories. These genderless experiences are happening more often to me and they are changing the way I engage with others. Awareness is the first step, and now that I am aware, I am consciously unsticking from these stories. I encourage you to explore how the collective gender stories, or the stories specific to your experiences, influence the way you connect with others.

STORY EXPLORATION EXERCISE

 Step One

·      take two pieces of blank paper

·      divide each into two columns.

On one page

·      title one column ‘Male gender is…’, the second column, ‘Masculine Archetype is…’.

On the other page

·      title one column ‘Female gender is…’, the second column, ‘Feminine Archetype is…’.

Step Two

Take some time with the heading of each column and start jotting down what comes to your mind. Then set them aside and whenever something else comes to mind, record it. After a week or so take your papers and review them, being aware of anything else comes to mind. Then as you read each point, jot down where the idea came from. For example, did you read it, hear it or experience it? How do you know it is true? This exercise will bring your gender stories into your awareness.

Step Three

Become aware of how your stories influence the way you connect with another.

Are your stories supporting you to have the connections you seek?

What beliefs will you need to change to support the connection you desire?