Saying Yes to Life
The Crone is a symbol of inherent wisdom. Although the Crone is the harbinger death, she is also responsible for birth and new life. She is our archetypal midwife.
DECEMBER 1998 . HALIFAX SHOPPING CENTER . PROPHETIC EXPERIENCE
Dear Journal,
Today F and I were at the shopping center picking up a Christmas gift for K. I felt myself being energetically pulled to a luggage store. At first, I resisted, thinking this was crazy as I did not need luggage. Fortunately, the knowing that I needed to follow the energy was stronger.
I walked into the store with F following me and asking, “Why are we in here?”
I replied, “I don’t know but I sure it will be revealed.”
Oh, my friend, the Universe sends me messages in such unique ways. Through the jigs and the reels, F, being the knight he is, reached a large suitcase down from a high shelf for a woman who was suitcase shopping. She had a story to share. I listened intently as I knew she was the messenger. She was purchasing the suitcase for her daughter who had left Halifax a number of years ago to do a year of university in France to improve her French. Since that time, she has been traveling and living in various parts of the world. Her suitcase had been damaged in her travels and her mother was replacing it. I stood there riveted to the floor as I listened. I knew this was a prophetic message. I recognized the energy. K is going to France for her third year of university and this is my heads-up from the Universe. There is a huge knot in my stomach this evening. I have been telling myself that the woman was just sharing her story but I know this energy. K is in her second year of university and I am just beginning to be comfortable with her being three hours away from me. France feels like a huge leap into the unknown. Who will look after her if she gets sick or hurt? She doesn’t know anyone there. What if she gets homesick? I know I need to face this fear but it feels so big and the thoughts just keep coming. But I don’t even know this is going to happen. Yes, it is going to happen. I know it is. I feel it. So much fear.
Love
Karen
DECEMBER 1998 . HALIFAX . HOME FOR CHRISTMAS
Dear Journal,
We picked K up today from university today. I am so grateful to have her home for Christmas. This Christmas is extra special because I know she won’t be with us for Christmas next year. I have taken time off of work and we have some fun family things planned. I have been waiting for K to bring up France. I haven’t asked as there is a part of me still hoping it will not come to be. The woman was simply sharing her story, right? No, not just a story. A prophetic message. After dinner, we were drinking tea and K started telling us about a language program at a university in France that was affiliated with her university. She is very interested in it and is quite excited at the possibility of going to France to improve her French, as becoming bilingual is a goal she set a number of years ago. She wanted to know what we thought about it. If she got accepted, would we support her? She had obviously thought it through, as she shared ideas of how it could work. Yes, of course she has our support. The heads-up from the Universe has given me time to be with the idea and to take action from my heart knowing versus my fear. I know that she is going. I feel it. I know it is an incredible opportunity for her. I know that this is my fear and I don’t want it to impact K. The feelings I had in 1997 when we dropped her off at university are very present, only this time they feel like they have doubled or maybe even tripled in intensity. I have faced fear before but not fear this big. How do I work through this fear? The same way you did before Karen. You are already doing it. Trust yourself.
Love
Karen
AUGUST 1999 . LAWRENCETOWN . K’S BIRTHDAY MORNING
Dear Journal,
What an emotional week it has been. I didn’t know it was possible for my body to produce so many tears. This cottage tucked in the woods, two kilometers from two beautiful beaches, has been the perfect place for me to be with my fears and feel the emotions that are rising. This place has allowed me the space to just embrace this experience fully, allowing my feelings to move through my body.
My friend, I am so grateful to have you to share with. Through the number of pages I filled this week, it became very clear that I needed to write a letter to K. A letter telling her how much I love her, what an incredible gift she is to me and how I now need to release her into the world. I know she cannot be who she needs to be and share her gifts with the world if I keep her tethered to me. The umbilical cord that once connected us was cut 20 years ago. Now, I need to release her from the bonds of the fear I project onto her and let her know she is free to follow her heart. Reams of paper later, I have a beautiful letter written. Every word in it is truth, written directly from my heart.
Earlier this week I happened upon a little craft shop in the middle of nowhere. I felt myself being drawn to it and when I went in, I walked right to a handmade doll, knowing I needed to give it to K with the letter.
Now I need to go home and take this next step. I am ready. I am doing this.
Love
Karen
AUGUST 1999 . HALIFAX . K’S BIRTHDAY EVENING
Dear Journal,
I am always in awe of how the Universe lines everything up so perfectly. Space was created for K and I to have time alone. I sat next to her as she read the letter and opened the package containing the doll. The tears flowed freely and I could feel the energy shift. Fear was loosening its grip on me.
I shared my intention that the letter and the doll were to go with her to France. When she felt unsure, alone or sad, she could read the letter and hold the doll to her heart and feel my love. As you know my friend, before giving K the doll, I held that doll to my heart and breathed my love into it. It is important to me that she have something tangible to hold that is infused with my love. On some level I know that releasing my fear enables K to grow her intuitive power and she will be guided and kept safe. We may be physically separated, but we are always connected energetically. Heart to heart. Soul to Soul. I know that. Now to remember and live from that knowing.
Oh yes, K liked the suitcase we bought her. It was identical to the one the woman bought for her daughter. A good omen I believe.
I have peace in my heart tonight. This is a new beginning for both of us.
I am doing this one step at a time.
Love
Karen
FEBRUARY 2000 . HALIFAX . AN UNEXPECTED GIFT
Dear Journal,
I am so elated. You know how I have been wanting to go to France to see Kendra, well today we received an unexpected gift of money. It is enough to cover airfares for F and I and to cover most of the other expenses while there. I am so grateful. Flights are booked and K is as excited as we are. This has been an incredible day.
I am actually going to get to hold K in my arms, heart to heart, in just a few weeks. To be honest, it is more than seeing her and holding her in my arms. I need to know, to see with my own eyes that she is doing as well as she tells us she is. Fear is present this evening. What if she isn’t and she is just trying to protect us?
Love,
Karen
APRIL 2000 . STRASBOURG, FRANCE . A WHOLE NEW WORLD
Dear Journal,
Two glorious weeks with K. We fly home tomorrow. Oh my, K has become a world-wise young woman. She is blossoming at every level of being and life is presenting her with endless opportunities to experience growth and she is stepping into them. My fears of her perhaps not being well, all an illusion. What an inspiration she is to me. I just want to support her to keep growing.
When she told us that she was thinking of staying in Europe for the summer to WWOOF and backpack, I wasn’t surprised. I was thinking, of course, this is the next step. Yes, of course we will support her to do this and yes, we will take her suitcase home with us so she will be free to backpack. What an amazing opportunity. And of course, she has thought it through and has a plan that is feasible.
Oh, my friend, I am also seeing how much I have grown. There is much less fear now. My heart is joyful thinking of how much this summer in Europe will support K to continue to develop her self-confidence in so many ways.
I am seeing how fear has impeded me from embracing my own life fully. Now that the fear is less, I see opportunities I haven’t seen before. Words like possibility, freedom and liberation are finding their way into my thoughts, into my language. This is new for me. I have always felt so limited.
My friend, it is a whole new world.
Love,
Karen
JUNE 2022 . HALIFAX . SAYING YES TO LIFE
Dear Journal,
These journal entries feel like they were experienced in another lifetime. Much water has passed under the bridge since K and I began our journey. I see now how entwined our paths are. Our personal liberation and healing are wrapped up in each other’s. We naturally support each other’s growth and expansion as we embrace our respective Soul journeys. We are figuratively raising each other up. Perhaps that is our Soul contract.
In 2001 after graduating university, K spread her wings and went much farther from home than France. This time I felt even less fear. I found great joy in helping her plan for her adventure and meeting the challenge of helping her get everything she needed for a year in her suitcase and backpack. The Mother’s Day before she left, she gifted me a teddy bear that she had made and when I squeezed its arm, K’s voice said, “Happy Mother’s Day Mom, I love you.”
K gave me a big hug and said, “Now you can hear my voice any time Mom.”
As you know my friend, the recording is long worn out and no longer needed. I hear her voice and feel her love within and all around me. She is ever present.
I would love to meet the woman I met in the luggage store in 1999 again and share my gratitude for how sharing her story with me influenced my life. I am grateful that I followed the energy that day and listened knowing she had a message for me and that I was open to hearing it. When I reflect back, I am in awe at how that one experience shaped my life, totally changing my relationship with fear.
The wisdom gleaned from the journey is that, in releasing attachment to the fear and no longer allowing it to have power over me, I have liberated myself to stand in my power and say YES to life.
Love and light,
Katharina
SELF-AWARENESS QUESTIONS
I encourage you to explore your relationship with fear. When you release attachment to fear you open the door to unlimited possibilities.
How is fear stopping you from saying yes to life?
What is one small step you can take to face that fear that is stopping you from saying YES to life?