Waiting Is Not Creating
What are you waiting for?
Waiting is an expression of the saboteur that often shows up in the form of procrastination. For example, waiting until the last minute to make a decision or to meet a known deadline. It can also show up when one is waiting for something in their life to change.
A story for you
Tanisha: Allessandra, thank you for inviting me to spend the weekend with you. It would have been fun but, I can no longer go as planned.
Allessandra: Tanisha, I am so disappointed. What has changed our plan?
Tanisha: I have a report to write and the deadline is Monday.
Allessandra: How long have you known about this report and its Monday deadline?
Tanisha: It has been on my desk for over a month now.
Allessandra: (with frustration in her voice) Tanisha, we planned this weekend two months ago. You know how important this weekend is to me. Why have you let this report ruin our weekend? Am I not important to you?
Tanisha: (speaking firmly) Allessandra, just calm down, you know better than that. Of course you are important to me. You are my sister. You know me, I always wait to the last minute to get things done. I do my best work under pressure.
Allessandra: Tanisha, you are right. That is your pattern and it has caused so much disappointment for me over the years. I keep thinking you will change, but you don’t. I do love you sister and I know when you are focused on a deadline you don’t eat so I will bring you some of the food I prepared for our weekend.
Tanisha: Allessandra, you are the best sister. Thank you for understanding. I am looking forward to the yummy food.
Let me explain
In this story, Tanisha waits until the last minute and then puts herself under intense pressure to meet the report deadline. She is completely unconscious to how this impacts her own life or her sister’s life. Allessandra is disappointed and feels she is not important to Tanisha. Allessandra thinks that if she is important enough to Tanisha, then Tanisha will stop ruining their plans. She is waiting for Tanisha to change. However, Tanisha knows how to manipulate her sister’s feelings and does it well. This behaviour keeps her from having to be accountable for the impact her actions have. She disappoints her sister but still manages to secure her support. Both sisters are unconscious of how they are disempowering themselves and each other. As long as these saboteur patterns remain unconscious, the change that Allessandra is hoping to see in Tanisha won’t happen.
A new story
Tanisha: Allessandra, thank you for inviting me to spend the weekend with you. It would have been fun but, I can no longer go as planned.
Allessandra: Why can’t you go? Are you okay? Is something wrong?
Tanisha: No Allessandra, nothing is wrong, I just need to work.
Allessandra: Let me guess, you have a report to write and the deadline is Monday. When did you find out about this report?
Tanisha: You are right, the report has been on my desk for a month. You know me Allessandra, I do my best…
Allessandra: Tanisha, stop right there. I have heard this too many times. You wear your story of doing your best work under pressure like a badge of honour. It has become such a well-defined unconscious habit that you aren’t even aware you are doing it. You don’t even realize how it impacts your life and the lives of others.
Tanisha: What are you talking about?
Allessandra: Why do you procrastinate?
Tanisha: I don’t procrastinate. I like the challenge. Knowing I have so little time is like high octane fuel and I do my best work under pressure. It is exhilarating to perform at such a high level. It is akin to a runner’s high. When I complete what I am working on, I celebrate my ability to work well under pressure.
Allessandra: Tanisha, that is exactly what I mean. You wear it like a badge of honour. Waiting until you are working under pressure to meet a deadline is procrastination. What is this badge of honour costing you?
Tanisha: (Silence) Maybe my health and wellbeing. While I am waiting, the report is constantly in the back of my mind. I know that creates stress for me, but the rush of energy at the end feels so good. That is the reward. It may appear that cancelling our weekend doesn’t matter to me, however, I do miss our time together. We always have an adventure and I enjoy how we laugh with each other. I value your quirky view of life as it gives me a different perspective and opens my mind to possibilities. I want you to know that you are important to me and I see now that I am making myself more important. You are right, I am not thinking about how my changing my plans last minute impacts you and our relationship. Where do I even begin to unravel this story? I think I am addicted to the feeling of exhilaration
Allessandra: Tanisha, you have already taken the first step. You are now aware of your pattern of procrastination and aware that you are addicted to the feeling of exhilaration. The next step is making a commitment to yourself to unstick from the story that feeds this pattern. You have already made other changes in your life and it is the same process. It is about loving yourself enough to do it. I am here for you but I can’t do it for you.
Tanisha: Thank you dear sister. I am grateful that you have the courage to call me to my truth. I feel supported, loved and blessed to have you in my life.
Awareness
Allessandra called Tanisha to her truth. Allessandra was aware of how the saboteur was expressing through Tanisha and did not enable it. She gave Tanisha an opportunity to become aware and be accountable for her choices and the impact they have. Tanisha appreciated Allessandra speaking her truth. She felt loved and supported by her sister and that allowed her to acknowledge her pattern and to love herself more deeply. Now that Tanisha is aware that she is giving the saboteur her power, she can make choices that support her health and wellbeing.
Archetype Cards, Caroline Myss
Self-awareness practice
Closing the gap between reacting unconsciously and responding consciously.
The saboteur is the guardian of choice and the fear of change is the core issue of this archetypal pattern. Waiting keeps you from creating what you desire for your life. Procrastination is just one expression of waiting. I guarantee you that there is a story being supported by your waiting in whatever form it expresses.
What are you waiting for? This question reveals what feel you need more of so you can do it. For example, more time, more money, or more knowledge,
What is stopping you from creating? This question allows you to go deeper, revealing more blocks. For example, I don’t have enough support, I don’t trust myself or I don’t feel like I am worthy.
When you feel you need more of something or feel you are not enough, you are in survival consciousness.
Set the intention each morning to be conscious of where you are ‘waiting’ as you go about your day. How can the waiting become an act of creating?
You are the creator of your life!