The Power of Enough

Before you read this blog, I invite you to take a deep breath into your heart center and exhale all that has transpired so far in your day. Repeat three times. Then on the next inhalation breathe in the present moment and as you exhale feel yourself in the present moment. Repeat until you can feel yourself here now. As you read I encourage you to stay in the present moment. If memories, thoughts, feelings or emotions rise as you read my words, simply observe them from the present. They have no power over you when you are in the present.

The story of ‘not enough’ is one of the core stories of the patriarch. It is the underpinning story of the scarcity mindset. This story is generated from a wound that is intergenerational (ancestral). This wound was already gaping open and excreting pus before it was unconsciously passed down to you. Until the pattern is healed, the wound continues to fester. For many women, this story is lived out unconsciously. Their ego mind tells them they are enough and they wear a variety of masks hoping that the people around them won’t see who they actually believe themselves to be. A belief can be changed, … however, changing a belief about oneself cannot be accomplished from the ego mind. It was the ego mind that created the story and generated the beliefs to protect the ancestral wound. The key to change is awareness—shining the light on the unconscious story.

Some of the signs that the ‘not enough’ story is expressing in your life are:

·      You are always searching for harmony, for the balance of feeling enough. Not too much and not too little. Simply enough.

·      You give readily but find receiving challenging, or you attract people who are incapable of giving you what you need.

·      You do your best to please others and keep them happy.

·      You attract people into your life whose impossibly high expectations mean that you are constantly struggling to meet them, or whose very low expectations send you scurrying to prove that you are so much more.

·      You find yourself frequently saying, ‘I am sorry’.

·      You find yourself justifying your decisions.

·      You seek relief from food, drink, shopping, binging on Netflix or through other means, but the relief is short-lived.

·      You find yourself meeting (or trying to meet) everyone else’s needs, but not your own.

If you find that you identify with one or more of these points, the story of ‘not enough’ is expressing through you. You will notice that I said expressing through you. The story is not your identity. The truth is that you believe this story to be your identity, as you, like so many other women, have been conditioned into believing it.  You may be thinking, Katharina doesn’t understand. I know that I am not enough because I feel it. I don’t want it to be true but it is. Maybe it isn’t true for other women but it is for me. And I, Katharina, am here to say that it feels true for you because you are stuck in a story. A story is akin to a spell being cast over you.  You have become spellbound and think that the story is true. Or you may be at a point in your self-awareness process where there are cracks in your story and you are questioning its validity. If so, the spell is losing its power over you.

Wherever you are in your self-awareness process, it is important to know that the wound that generates the story can be healed. I am not talking about the temporary bandages the ego mind dresses the wound with that bring short-term relief. I am talking about healing, so that you live from the wisdom of the scar and not the wound. You have the power to free yourself from the story, from the spell of ‘not enough’ and create a new way of showing up and engaging with life free of masks, and simply knowing that you are enough.

When you become aware of, and consciously work with, the four survival archetypal patterns — the Victim, Prostitute, Saboteur and Child — that are keeping you stuck in the story that is covering a festering wound, you can heal yourself. The truth is that you are the creator of your life. You have created the life you are living right now.

When I was first told that I was the creator of my life, I was in denial. First of all, I was appalled that they would think that I had created all the pain and suffering I was experiencing. Second, what did that say about me? Who would create a life like this? I was looking through the lens of the Victim archetype. I was choosing to believe that I didn’t create the life I was living. This was not anything to do with me. Instead, I had a whole list of people and all they had done to me, and this is why my life was the way it was. This idea of me creating a life that was the opposite of what I wanted, brought up tremendous resistance. I remember my body having a visceral reaction and having the urge to vomit. I was angry with the truthsayer.

In time, I realized I had projected my anger onto that wise Soul. I was actually angry with myself and then I slipped into the dark spiral of self-blame. How could I do this to myself? Did I loathe myself that much? That day the truth was shared with me, a door was cracked open. In time the door opened wider and I became aware that I was living and creating from survival consciousness. In this low vibrational energy, I was magnetizing the opposite of what I wanted for myself. I was under a spell, stuck in a story.

My way out was to become conscious. In the beginning, I was aware of the archetypal patterns but I didn’t know how to work with them to access my healing power. I searched outside myself for others to heal me. That brought temporary relief but did not support me to change my energy and live from creation consciousness. That healing came when I realized the story and the archetypal patterns expressing through me were not my identity; I realized that I had the power to change my energy and in doing so, change my life to align with how I wanted to live. I learned that the primary survival archetype that kept me spellbound was the Saboteur. It is the guardian of choice and it is the archetype that does not like change. I sabotaged myself in ways that were ingenious. I had no idea I was so creative. When I realized that I could use my creativity to serve what I wanted versus what I didn’t want, the door opened fully and I took my first step over the threshold. The wound that supported the intergenerational story of ‘not enough’ healed and on the other side of ‘not enough’ was unlimited opportunity and possibility.

It has been an incredible journey and now I am exploring engaging with life as a conscious creator. Creation consciousness is an unknown realm; however, I am finding that being in the mystery of life is what makes life enchanting and magical. I see my life as my masterpiece and I am choosing to create a life that expresses love and beauty into the world.

What do you want your life masterpiece to be?  What do you want to express into the world?

Remember, anything is possible when you are living in creation consciousness.