Healing Relationships
As a teenager, I was very aware of having two distinct sides. I felt like a coin, two different sides but one person; however my two different sides were not visible like they are on a coin.
One side was having a very logical mind. I was so logical in my thinking, that had I been among the Star Trek crew, I could have easily been a Vulcan. Spock was my favorite Star Trek character. I could so effortlessly predict his answers and they made perfect sense to me. Along with being logical, I was pragmatic and I had an insatiable desire to understand everything. I also had to know how everything was going to unfold to feel safe. I needed routine and order. The unknown created extreme stress, anxiety and panic. That was one side; my other side could not have been any more different. Here, I was a creative, whimsical, free spirit that valued the abstract, could see patterns and saw deep truths through symbolism. I was someone who felt at home in the forest, believed in fairies and felt connected to all living things. This side felt trapped, like I was trying to dance in a room my own height. My other side felt comfortable in a metaphorical room of any height, as long as I could control it and feel safe. This worked, of course, until something came along I couldn’t control. Trying to manage both sides made it feel like I was being pulled apart by opposing forces. The outcome of this intense opposition was pain and suffering.
In my early thirties, I began to learn about the masculine and feminine archetypes. Up until then I had the belief that they were gender specific. Men were masculine and women were feminine.
When I learned that all humans are an expression of both archetypal patterns, I understood why I was feeling like I had two sides. In an attempt to resolve the tension, I decided to learn more about both patterns to better understand them. I knew I needed them to work together versus being in opposition. Being a female raised in the patriarch, I rejected the masculine as I felt smothered by its power and control over me as a female. I would later learn that what I was rejecting was the shadow of the masculine which is how the patriarch expresses itself in our society. I didn’t understand that if I rejected the masculine I rejected the feminine because they are one. What does it mean that they are one? Like the coin, they share the same space; they cannot be separated. The feminine also has a shadow. For me, the shadow of the masculine brought out the shadow of the feminine and up until that point, most of my experience of those archetypes had been in their shadow. I began to study mythology and immersed myself in reading traditional stories from various cultures from around the world to learn about the light aspects of the masculine and feminine archetypes. The relationship of these two archetypal patterns within us determines the quality of the relationships we experience in our life.
Labyrinth
I liken my journey of embracing both my masculine and feminine to walking a labyrinth.
My journey of walking the unicursal path of the labyrinth begins on the left side of the labyrinth. The left side is symbolic of the feminine. The feminine expresses the energy of the abstract, the creative, the unknown, chaos, nurturing, compassion, the illogical and the mystery of life. The path then winds to the right side which is symbolic of the masculine. The masculine expresses the energy of structure, order, the known, the logical, protection and action. Then the path returns to the left and so it continues to wind from side to side until I reach the center of the labyrinth. The center is considered to be a place of balance. In my journey, I explored the masculine archetype and how it expressed through me and then the feminine and, then like walking the labyrinth, I went back and forth from feminine to masculine until I came to an understanding of how they work together supporting the whole. From the center of the labyrinth you make the return journey as you walk the unicursal path out of the labyrinth. It symbolizes a journey of integration. Taking the knowledge and practicing it in everyday life. I now experience extended periods of time where my masculine and feminine are unified, working as one, serving my life journey — and when I fall back into the old patterning, I am aware that I am out of alignment by how I feel, so I return to balance. The more I practice, the more aware I become and now the time spent out of balance is less than being in balance. As my understanding of my relationship with these two archetypal patterns has deepened, my relationships in my outer world reflect the healing that I have experienced within.
My experience is that a deeper understanding of the feminine and masculine archetypes and how they express within each of us, supports healing our intergenerational wounds and creating a new story of equality for women and all human beings.
When the masculine and feminine are in balance — unified within each of us, our outer world will reflect it in equality.
These two archetypal patterns express differently through patriarchal marriage versus a conscious relationship. The patriarchal marriage expression supports disempowerment and inequality and the expression of conscious relationship supports equality and empowerment. Marriage and relationship are seen as being synonymous in our patriarchal culture. They are two completely different archetypal patterns. It is like saying an apple is the same as an orange. Many women I speak with think they are in a relationship and when they learn the difference, they realize that they are in a patriarchal marriage and understand why they are feeling stuck and their needs are not being met. I hear women say over and over, that they love their husband or their partner but they feel that life would be easier, or they would be happier, without them. In my experience, when we identify why we are stuck we then have the power to get liberate ourselves.